Hello Hello

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Take them where you find them

Harbingers of happiness, that is. Take them where you find them and let yourself be comforted by familiarity found where least expected.

Earlier today I had a cerebral angiogram performed, which in my rankings of un-fun tests squeezed right in at second place behind "lumbar puncture" (waaaaay out in front). 

I was comforted, though, when I looked up while laying in the contraption and saw the name of the maker: Siemens. To me the name conjures up Walt Disney World, specifically the Spaceship Earth ride at Epcot, the signs for which note "presented by Siemens" with the word Siemens in their corporate font. And so focusing on the name Siemens, in the Siemens font, reassured me tremendously while I was having an incision made in my femoral artery during this, the second most un-fun test.

Afterward, arriving at the room where I had to lay still and completely flat for the next four hours, I found no such happy reassurer in my upward vista. But when I was sat up late in the afternoon, I was positively greeted by a cheery, familiar motif.

I am home now, and while I am exceptionally sore and will not have the results until my followup appointment, I feel tremendous hope that now we will have all the answers. And as soon as possible, as soon as we can treat and fix whatever, I plan to put all this behind me, and my family, and head to the only logical place to celebrate.

I cannot wait.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Meet not-Hadley

I loved Hadley so much that the idea of not having a little, gray cat around was killing me. Enter Roxy, the newest member of our household, who arrived via the Guilford County Shelter. She is not Hadley, but she is extraordinarily outgoing, and her presence lifts my spirit tremendously. She is content to let me hold her and cuddle her for a few seconds. Generally, though, she gallops around the house, jumping on every available surface and glaring at the dogs if they deign to enter the same room.

I love her already.

note to KR: I told you so.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Come summer

Come summer, I will eat popsicles daily, feel the ice slide down my throat and open my mouth to breathe heavily when it does. Come summer, I will pack snacks and children and dog and boots and flee to the creek at Pilot Mountain where it's ten degrees cooler. Come summer, I will sit on my swing bench at dusk and watch tiny bats aloft overhead, thrilling that they eat mosquitos. Come summer, I will rouse children with the call, "Wake up, sleepyheads, it's noon," then  let them sleep another half hour. Come summer, come summer.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Sweetest girl

After a rapid decline, early this morning Hadley donned angel paws and chased her last mouse through the Pearly Gates and into the arms of Jesus, leaving a huge, gaping hole in our lives and one furry blanket totally underutilized.

I will miss her more than you can possibly know. She was, quite frankly, the best cat ever.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

on waffles

My parents separated when I was twelve, my brother fifteen. My father got a one bedroom apartment on Tunlaw Road which was walnut spelled backwards. He would sleep on the sofa when I came to stay overnight once every other week. I would arrive just before bedtime and so nighttime was mundane, but morning brought exquisite joy. Freed from my mother's sensible constraints for my adolescent complexion, he would prepare waffles topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, fresh strawberries spilling over the whole thing, alongside a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows. It was my father's way of serving up love on a plate at every available opportunity, and I was grateful then and remain so now, eight and a half years after his death. The divorce broke our family in many, many ways, but in its wake I became acutely aware of my father's bottomless capacity for love and married a man with that exact quality as soon as I found him.

Sunday, January 18, 2015


Whereas this week George has taken to leaning his full body weight onto me when we watch TV together

Whereas this morning Willy audibly tooted and immediately whipped his body into a tight curl and barked at his own bottom

Whereas yesterday my husband brought me a peppermint milkshake for no reason in particular

Whereas my older son twice today hugged me first

Whereas there was a flurry of activity at my birdfeeder this afternoon

Therefore I am happy.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Make way for the good

I was leaving a local high school Monday when I heard someone run up behind me. I turned around to find a young lady I informally mentored at my favorite middle school. She threw her arms around me and told me she missed me so much, then excitedly said, "Guess what! I made straight As!"

This is a young lady I met when she was struggling socially and academically. This is a young lady who did not see her own shine, who did not believe she was smart, who did not think she was "as good as".

If you know me even a little, you know that tears sprang to my eyes. I told her that I had known she could do it and how proud of her I was that she had, then asked what her mother said. She beamed and said her mother sat down and cried.

Y'all, she looks so good. More importantly, she feels so good. And I could not stop smiling the rest of the day.

When I need a happy thought, I am going to pull that moment out. It still serves. Just typing it I am smiling anew.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Extra, extra

The good news is that I got to Baptist safely and found a parking space really close to the door.

The good news is that on ice days, many people cancel their appointments, so even though I got to the vascular lab early, so early, because I left myself enough time to drive safely, they saw me right away.

The good news is that the same thing happened when I went up to the fifth floor of Janeway, where the vascular surgeon is.

The good news is that she was very kind and took the time to explain.

The good news is that it is no worse than I thought. In one way it's actually better, but in another way it may be worse, so I am averaging those out and calling it even.

The good news is that I made it home safely, and because I took today off work and the schools are closed, now I get to hang out under a blanket on the sofa with my boys and play card games.


Saturday, January 10, 2015

Apparently I am quite sick

I met with my neurologist yesterday, and it was made abundantly clear that I will not get well on my own.

I meet with a vascular surgeon Wednesday. She's supposed to be quite good.

I meet with a neurosurgeon, subspecialty vascular Friday. He's supposed to be the best.

I want to meet neither.

I want to curl up in a little ball, pull the covers over my head, and wake up five years old again in my pale blue room with the gingham curtains, safe and secure in the knowledge that my Mommy and Daddy are right downstairs and will come up immediately if I call out.

Sunday, January 04, 2015

0 axolotls, however

Yesterday marked seventeen years, two sons, four dogs, two cats, two hamsters, three mice, one snake, and sixteen fish. Would I do it again?

You betcha.