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Saturday, December 06, 2014

I would like to shake his or her hand

The person at Food Lion charged with naming storebrand products, that is.

Having recently abandoned the now incredibly expensive, customer serviceless grocery* that is Lowes Foods, I have been visiting stores in much the way one visits churches, hoping to find The One --- a grocery home, if you will.

Thus I came across the work of the naming master at Food Lion, and over the last three weeks as I have shopped there, I have been repeatedly rewarded with new glimpses of his or her genius.

* Nigel Alston had a great column in the Winston-Salem Journal a few years back that has stuck with me. He told a story about a group of people told to serve themselves coffee in a coffee mug they selected from a bunch of different ones, how they all took some time picking a mug they felt best reflected their self-perception without any thought to how the mug would hold the same exact coffee, regardless. I feel like Lowes is trying to sell me a fancy mug, and snooker me into paying top dollar for it, when the coffee inside is still the same. Cheerios I buy at Lowes do not taste any different from Cheerios I buy at Food Lion or Teeter or anywhere else, so why on earth would I pay 30% more for them? If I wanted to pay Fresh Market prices, I would shop at Fresh Market, where the coffee at least matches that mug.
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