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Monday, March 01, 2010

Monday night isn't complete without...


Ah, Madhouse, just when I think you can't make me laugh any louder you send Junior Miller to a wine tasting. As I watched this week's episode I almost decided to let my 3-year-old niece write the review because the jokes about Junior Miller at a wine tasting would be easy enough for even her to make.

We were led into the Myers garage to start off the week. Tensions were running high between the brothers as Burt has been struggling with mechanical problems all season and Jason has felt the wrath of the old man, Junior Miller, stomping his velcroed Rockports on the gas and wrecking Jason almost every week. Burt was right to say that it hurts his momma's heart when him and his brother fight. It hurt my heart too... it took me back to 5th grade when I had to choose between Kirk Cameron and the cute brother with asthma from the Goonies as to who would be my betrothed when I grew up... ahh, if only I had followed my heart and gone with the Goonies kid. My life would have been so much different.

On to Junior's garage. Puddin' Swisher (I'm embarrassed to admit that I know at least 3 men named Puddin') arrived at Junior's garage to invite him to a wine tasting in Kernersville. Junior appeared to be excited by this invitation and I was a bit confused by his excitement. I actually thought that he may have misunderstood Puddin's invite due to low batteries in his hearing aids, but he said he was going to take his wife out and see what this event was all about.

We then see Junior picking his dog, BJ, up from the groomers. Yes, that's right Junior, you are going to a wine tasting so it is appropriate to get a haircut for you dog but allow your crew chief to wear a t-shirt that says "K-Ville Mafia" to the same event. I wonder if the other man that accompanied Junior to the event, who was about 1 sausage biscuit away from 3 bills and wearing overalls, felt under dressed after seeing that BJ the dog looked more classy than him?

On to the wine tasting... Junior's wife has her bangs teased up extra high looking. She was wearing her finest from the Jaclyn Smith collection and I was just waiting for her to ask for a glass of White Zin from a box. Junior got gussied up in an Advanced Auto Parts collared shirt and his finest Sansabelt slacks from JC Penny. Junior's crew chief decided that wine was not for him and elected to walk around the wine tasting drinking Bud Light. Look racing fans, just because Richard Childress has a winery doesn't mean that all racers, or people involved with racing, need to think they are connoisseurs. All my girlfriends are wine-os and I accept that I am a circus peanut eating, malt liquor drinking gal. They munch on their hummus and wine while I suck down Coors Light and some Double Stuffs. Don't lie, you know Double Stuffs are better than hummus any day of the week.

We then made it to Tim Brown's house where his wife spent some time in front of the camera explaining that she makes sacrifices to be a racer's wife. Making sacrifices doesn't mean you have to be a doormat... that's how Tim Brown treats her. After a long day of work, Tim walks in the house and slobbers all over his dog. His lovely wife asks is he's got anything for her to which he replies, "I'm gonna brush my teeth and go to bed." Then, from the bedroom, he yells, "Where my clothes at?" Hey Tim, first of all, don't end your sentence with a preposition and second of all... I'll get your clothes out but they'll be in a bag at the front door cause you ain't gonna be talking to me like that.

Thank goodness we only had to hear Chris Fleming speak for about 3 minutes this week. The bad news is that I forgot to pick up another bottle of Tylenol PM's at CVS the other day, the good news is that I replayed Chris Fleming's 3 minutes on the screen and drifted off like a baby.

On to race day we go. Tensions are running high everywhere as new rules have come down saying that any driver who fights or intentionally wrecks another driver will be suspended. Look, I pay $10 each week to see some fights, they can't be taking the fun out of this sport. Burt lands on the pole and holds it solidly the entire race coming off with the win. The real action occurred a few cars back when Junior gets in the back of Jason Myers, spinning him out and igniting Jason's hatred of the wine taster himself.

We'll see how it pans out next week...

And now your Madhouse Quote of the Week... (Junior's response to Puddin' after being invited to the wine tasting):

"A wine tasting?? Like the fermented kind?"

That's a connoisseur if there ever was one...
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