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Monday, March 01, 2010

Feeling whole

One of my New Year's Resolutions, perhaps the most important one, was to spend time thinking about what it is I want to do, what it is I want to work toward. My goal, if you will.

I am very blessed to be wildly immature in that I still believe the world is pretty much wide open, that if I decide to be President when I grow up, I can still do it. I can become an award-winning alpaca breeder if I so choose. I can save up to buy a fisherman's cottage in Maine. I can do almost anything. I just need to know what it is I am working toward and keep my eyes on the prize, and I can do it.

(Not just me. You, too. I think anyone can accomplish anything he or she puts his or her mind to. I was brought up to believe the phrase Where there's a will, there's a way, and this belief has served me well.)

But I've been somewhat floundering the last year or so, growing increasingly antsy beyond measure, not sure what it is I want to do. I write my pretty posts, and honestly, sometimes I use my pretty posts to keep from thinking beyond the pretty posts.

And so I've spent the last two months being ridiculously introspective. Also quiet, which is frankly hard for me. But it's been productive, because quiet lets me hear myself.

Here's where I am: I need to do some writing-writing. I have something inside of me that's been a-brewing, and I need to get it down on paper. I don't know if it's something just for me or something I'll share later, but I need to work on it the same way I need to eat and I need to breathe.

And so.

I will still be here, and you will still find posts on weekdays and sometimes even on weekends, some relevant to you, some not. But me, the Lucy, I may seem vaguely absent, like I'm just going through the motions. Because I will be some days. Sorry.

I hope you'll bear with me on those days, and I hope this... this thing I'm working on is something I'll be able to share with you later.

I'm nervous.
I'm excited.
I'm alive.
photo: Arbor Road, Sunday, 12:32 PM
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