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Monday, February 22, 2010

Party like it's 1999, because it's time once again for...


You know how some things get better with age?? Things like wine, your ability to use words with 2-3 syllables, or George Clooney for example. Well, you can officially throw Madhouse into this category. The first few weeks of the show were a delight, but as the weeks go by it only gets better and more exciting.

Unfortunately, the show has been moved to 11pm, and since I am up before the paperboy, I go to bed before well before the clock strikes 11....thank heavens for DVR.

So my birthday is on K-Tober the 3rd, and, as any of my friends can tell you, I celebrate this day like it is Christmas. Since I have no shame in getting older, or in inhaling an entire Dewey's sheet cake by myself, I am hereby making a birthday wish list for all my readers: for my birthday I would like to spend the day in the Myers Garage. It looks like the funnest place on earth. I think I could just sit in the corner and observe and have a great time. If anyone wants to make this happen for me I would be ever so grateful. Also, as a side note....I have officially ordered my 2 new 2010 Burt Myers racing t-shirts online. Gotta be prepared for the season. You can't expect me not to support my fella.

This week Burt spent his time worrying about his rear end. No ladies... get your mind out of the gutter... not that rear end, although it's quite nice. The rear end to Burt's car has given him problems for 3 weeks in a row causing Burt to fall behind to Tim Brown in points. Burt works diligently throughout the episode and finally gets his car ready for race day.

On to Junior Miller's garage. I was excited to see that the show introduced Jonathan Brown into the series this week. Jonathan races for Junior Miller and is a new up and comer at the track. Despite the fact that he races for Junior Miller, I like the guy. He is exciting to watch race and his brother's name is Bo-Bo Brown. How can you not root for a guy that has a brother who willingly allows himself to be called Bo-Bo by everyone at the track?

Jonathan talks about growing up at the track and in Junior Miller's garage and you can see the genuine excitement in his face when he talks about racing. Plus, did I mention his brother's name is Bo-Bo??

Junior was in typical Junior fashion... walking around looking old, talking nonsensical and gumming Melba Toast. Junior made the comment, while driving down the road with a dog wrapped around his neck like a boa, that he checked the weekly racing program and discovered that he has won more races than Burt and Jason Myers combined. Hey wizard, you had a 25 year head start to your racing career... I would hope that you have won more races. Dope.

On to Chris Fleming. This man makes me laugh to no end. When he comes on I always think of that song, "You've Got to Stand for Something or You'll Fall for Anything." Well, Chris Fleming is standing for something... an effing parking space. Yup, that's right, the same parking space we all fell asleep listening to him complain about last week. He feels that Gray Garrison, the track manager, doesn't respect him since he took his parking space in the pits. Chris's problem is that he demands that people respect him. He doesn't feel respect is earned. He thinks that he is doing the track a favor by showing up each week. What's the favor?? No one cheers for him, no one wears his shirts and no one even knew who he was before this show was on. Chris, back it down a notch... no one cares if you race or not.

Chris is so torn by this parking space issue that he feels a sit down with Junior Miller is in order. I now understand where we get the phrase "the blind leading the blind." Junior and Chris go to dinner in Walnut Grove, NC which I'm sure the show's editors and fact checkers would have discovered is probably close to the Walnut COVE we all know and love. But hey, I can see them missing that important detail on account of the fact that Junior and Chris's conversation consisted of "Man, this strip is good," and "You know you do some dirty stuff out there." Mind numbing.

Chris decides to return to the track and park in his old space anyway. I think that we should put Chris in government... if he's willing to take this much of a stand for a parking space imagine what he would do for abortion, or health care or the economy... you know stuff that is really important. I'm just hoping I can hire Chris to accompany me to the mall around Christmas time. I guarantee if there's an argument over who got to a parking space first he would win it for me... while wearing stonewashed jean shorts.

Hi ho hi ho.. to the track we go. It's Saturday night and time to race. Now for all your Bowman Gray newbies I will educate you on something else. If you make your way to the track this summer you need to go on a double points night. Double points nights are the most exciting, action packed nights you can get. Chain race nights are pretty good too, but double points are the best. Drivers get double points for their finish meaning they can make a lot of headway if they are behind.

None of the drivers get a great starting position but my man Burt quickly makes it up to second place after passing newcomer Jonathan Brown. Burt gets stuck behind Brad Robbins who drives like he's headed to dinner at K&W at 4pm on a Tuesday. Translation: he's slow. Brad gets a few love taps from Burt and then Burt gives him one last tap and there goes Brad, spinning into the infield. Burt has claimed the lead of the 25 lap race. But, in true Bowman Gray fashion, Brad Robbins slows down and waits for Burt to come back around and rams hims directly into the guard rail. I've seen drivers lie in wait a million times at the track to get revenge and each time it is a marvelous thing to see because you know it's going to be a show. Burt jumps out of his car and proceeds to jump on the hood of Brad Robbins car until being escorted away by the police.

Jonathan Brown goes on to win his first race and Tim Brown finishes 5th.

Here's your Madhouse Quote of the Week (from Junior Miller while talking to newbie, Jonathan Brown): "You've been watchin' me run since Moby Dick was a minner."

Translation: I'm old.
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