Anyhullabaloo, I've just finished watching the Oscar-nominated shorts, animated and non, and I just have one quickie announcement, and then I'll leave you to get back to your own fashion foibles and assorted other predicaments:
GET THEE TO a/perture THIS WEEKEND AND SEE THEE THESE OSCAR SHORTS, BECAUSE THEY ARE RIDICULOUSLY SMART, AND I HAVE SO MANY COOL THINGS I WANT TO SAY ABOUT THEM, BUT I DON'T WANT TO INADVERTENTLY SPILL A PLOTLINE.
You might think that's unlikely, because it's easy for you to talk about a movie without letting slip a spoiler, but (1) it's a lot harder when it's a short and (2) I am a master at saying the wrong thing. Sincerely. Like a little piece of my heart goes out to poor Virginia Foxx each and every time I see her on the news, because I just know something awful has fallen out of her mouth and everyone's up in arms about it, and there but for the grace of thank God I'm not on c-span go I.
You think I'm kidding? Allow me to fondly revisit one of my most recent conversational missteps:
Cousin's wife, whose father is expected to die any day: Hi! I was wondering if you wanted to take a cooking class with me! Wouldn't that be fun?
me: (thinking to self: this is an escape mechanism, much like the escape mechanisms I used when my mother was dying) Of course. Yes, that would be fun. We can take a class. What kind of class?
Cousin's wife: William Sonoma has them. Go online and see.
me: (looking at WS site) Oh, they have lots of choices. What would you like to take?
Cousin's wife: Anything, really! I can't decide. You choose!
me: (thinking to self: poor cousin's wife, she's almost manic in her escape) Let's take this Sunday knife skills class. I'm frankly not very good at using all my knives.
Cousin's wife: YES! OK, I'll sign us up. This will be fun!
me: (thinking to self: holy, she is really having a rough go of it) Oh, yes, this class will be fun!
Cousin's wife: OK, I've signed us up!
me: (trying to make a joke, because she's obviously in need of a laugh) Plus it will make it so much easier to dispose of the bodies!
That's right, I WENT WITH A BODY DISPOSAL JOKE. Because the challenges serial killers face are hilarious material to someone about to lose a loved one, right? Awesome. And my husband, who was standing next to me in the kitchen and heard the whole thing began to silently golfclap, he being well-versed in my gaffes.
Anyway it was quite the awful, awkward pause before she softly said, "I'll see you next Sunday then," and hung up. And no, we didn't take the class, because her father DIED LIKE THE DAY BEFORE, thus compounding my shame by a trillion percent.
So please do not ask me to tell you specific information about the Oscar shorts. I simply cannot risk screwing up. But they're stupendous, trust me. And they open this Friday, the 26th, at a/perture. Take your favorite faux pas-ista!