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Monday, February 15, 2010


And that means it's time for another installment of...


Well, my fellow Madhouse viewers, I'm back. We had a week hiatus due to the Superbowl. Hey, did anyone else hear that the Saints won it for the 9th Ward? I'm just making sure that in case you missed the 12 hours of pre-game coverage last Sunday that you were aware there was in fact a giant hurricane in 2005 in New Orleans and the Saints winning the game was the city's only chance at rebuilding. Were they planning on using the Lombardi trophy to prop up a wall or something? Because if they weren't, I'm not really sure how a football team is going to rebuild a city. Anyway, don't get me started on that sob story... it was a football game, moving on....

So this week's episode was worth the week off because it was the best episode to date. We started out in Junior's Garage to discover that his motor was running hot and they were going to have to take it to a motor man to have it looked at. Junior was also still enraged that Jason Myers spun him out the week before, you know, as enraged as an elderly grandpa can possibly get. It's not too intimidating to hear him saying he is going to "get him back" this week when you know he is getting ready to gulp down a glass of Metamucil and eat a prune for lunch.

The motor man looked over Junior's car to discover that his motor was not the problem, the problem was that to save money Junior buys cheap car parts and those parts have ruined his car. It made me feel really safe in the fact that I sit 11 rows up from the track each week and Junior buys his pistons and carburetors from eBay... if I get decapitated because Junior's wheel flies into the stands because he bought an axle from someone who had 72% positive feedback I'm going to be upset.

Junior's team decided they would have to use his old orange car this week because his red car (also known as the eBay-mobile) was going to need more time to be repaired. As Junior and his 2nd grade reading level crew chief put the final touches on the orange car, we saw the first signs that Junior likes to be less than honest when he races. A manufactured carburetor was pulled out, and Junior explained that it was an illegal carburetor and he sometimes likes to "bend the rules." Junior has been known to race illegal parts on his cars before. He was pulled from a race at Ace Speedway in 2008, allegedly for having illegal heads on his car. Also in June 2008, Junior won a race at Bowman Gray only to have the win stripped because officials discovered he used an illegal motor. We were left not really knowing whether Junior used the legal or illegal piece on his car. So continue to call yourself "The King", Junior... I'm sure everyone says that Mark Maguire is still king after he just let us all know that he has been using steroids longer than I've been highlighting my hair (by the way... I have no idea what my real hair color is if that gives you an idea of how long it's been).

On to Chris Fleming's garageeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... oh, sorry about that, folks, I just nodded off on my keyboard out of boredom. Chris has managed to take the most exciting, fun-filled event of the summer and turn it into 9th grade geometry.... my favorite place to nap. It's like you can hear the poorness seeping through your tv. Chris complained this week that he had gotten into an argument with another driver, Brad Robbins, over a wreck the week before. Brad's pit is located next to Chris' pit so words were tossed around and the teams were at odds. Chris made sure to tell us, "Nobody knows the sacrifices I make." Really?? Seriously? Chris, you are one blond wig away from being Sally Struthers. We know exactly what sacrifices you make. You tell us every single week, repeatedly. Chris was forced to meet with the race track director and Brad Robbins to discuss the heated exchange from the week before. Because of the scuffle, officials moved Chris' parking space in the pit. Chris was worked up about that. Let me explain, the pit area at Bowman Gray is like a CVS parking lot. There really isn't a bad space. So the self proclaimed "Showstopper" decides that he is going to prove a point and not race. He packs up his car and goes home. Guess what Showstopper....the show went on. I hope you took this week at home to try and think up a better name for yourself. Calling yourself the Showstopper is like me calling myself Double D.....ain't going to happen unless I go the Heidi Montag route.

Little time was spent on Tim Brown. He commented on how the fans hate him, which is a true statement. He is just not liked at Bowman Gray. Listening to him talk you can understand why. He is a jerk. By the way Tim, Pauly D from Jersey Shore called, he said he and Snooki loved your Affliction t-shirt.

So let's go to our happy place....the Myers garage. The boys were getting their cars ready for this week's race and they discussed the retaliation they felt was inevitable from Junior. The stage was set and finally Saturday arrives, let's go racing!

Junior pushes his orange car by the Myers' pit in an attempt to intimidate Burt and Jason. It didn't work and the boys are automatically wondering why Junior has his old car back in service this week. Qualifying begins and instead of using the fungified sock the drivers are actually qualifying this week. A 25 lap event is on the menu tonight so getting a top position is important. Jason qualifies 2nd and Junior qualifies 4th. Immediately after qualifying is over Burt and Jason think Junior is running an illegal carburetor because he never qualifies that high. Smart fellas.

The race begins and you can immediately tell Jason has the car to beat. He jumps to an early lead but the caution comes out allowing Junior to start in 2nd directly behind Jason. You knew it was coming.....yes, Junior runs Jason into the guardrail and Jason falls back to 7th opening the door for Junior to drive his ugly orange car across the finish line for the win.

Back in the pits, Jason in livid. He immediately throws down $500 to protest Junior's car. Drivers are allowed to protest another driver's car. They have to put down $500, and if the car is deemed illegal, they get their money back. If it is not illegal, the challenged driver gets the money. It was tense. Junior's crew started removing the carburetor from the car so officials could inspect it. I found it ironic that Junior's crew chief was wearing a shirt that said "Trust Me, I'm a Liar." You don't say buddy?

In the field house NASCAR officials examine the carburetor and, without taking it apart, determine it is good. Gary Myers, Jason and Burt's father, wants the carburetor taken apart but they will not do that so it is deemed good.

Here's my opinion on the whole illegal part situation....if Junior Miller knew he had a legal carburetor then why was he, and the majority of his crew hopping around anxious and chatting about how it was crazy and they couldn't believe it? If my stuff is legal and I know it's legal, I don't care how long they look over my carburetor, and I sure don't need to be all antsy waiting on the results. They looked like the final 5 at the Miss America pageant.... will they find our illegal modification, or won't they?

Cheaters. That's all I've got to say about that.

I didn't get a Madhouse Quote of the week this week...I am going to use a Madhouse CONVERSATION of the week instead....this took place between Junior and his crew chief:

Junior Miller: "You know what a diddle is? A baby chicken."
Crew Chief: "I call em' bitties"
Junior Miller: "You can call em' bitties but they're called diddles."

Learn something new everyday, huh?
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