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Thursday, November 17, 2011

An Open Letter to Certain City Residents (You Know Who You Are)

So... it's about the leaves.

Yes, those leaves.

You see, every year we go through this. E-v-e-r-y year. The leaves turn pretty colors, then they fall, then you freak out that your lawn will suffocate and rake them all into the street.


I know you think your property value will plummet if the front strip of your lawn doesn't see light for so long that it turns brown, but friend, I am here to tell you that nothing will make your property value plummet like what you're doing now. Because when you rake all your leaves into the street?

1. It makes the street narrower, and in some places impossible for two cars to pass safely. Today I actually watched someone play chicken with a schoolbus. This is not cute. One day there will be an accident. Thereafter your house will be known as The House That Killed.

2. It makes you look like you are so self-important that you don't care what the city tells you. One day someone will want to refer to your house in some way, but won't be able to remember anything except that's where the person who raked all those leaves into the street lives. Thereafter your house will be known as The House Of The Boor.

Look, we're almost done for the season. Just rake the leaves back onto the curb. On top of your lawn, yes. Spring will come and your grass will grow anew. And your property value will probably plummet anyway, but at least nobody will be dead and you won't look like the neighborhood snoot.

Winston-Salem Leaf Collection

PS: Yes, this is a re-post from 2008, by reader request. Know why? Because some of you still aren't with the program. And your neighbors don't like you overly much for it. (They're having parties and they're not inviting you, you know.)
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