My husband is bent down examining something at the side of the house. I meander over to him, squat down right next to him.
"What am I looking at?"
He points. "That. The zipper thing. I've never seen that before."
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" I yell as I scramble backward, for the zipper is being guarded by an enormous spider I didn't see until I was well within jumping distance*.
* I assume all spiders have the capability to leap a good five feet. I also assume that after leaping, they sink long fangs into whatever they land upon. This belief system may be erroneous, but thus far it has shielded my person from any spider devastation.