Hello Hello

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Can't... breathe... gasp

911: 911, what is your emergency?

Esbee: Ohmigod! They're trying to kill me!

911: Ma'am, calm down. Help is on the way.

Charlie 49, we have an L.I.D. with a cellular tower location on Country Club Road near the A.B.C. store. Respond with ambulance A.S.A.P. or she will be D.E.A.D.

Ma'am, can you tell me who is trying to kill you?

Esbee: I'm having trouble breathing! My heart! My heart!

911: Ma'am, are you injured? Did someone hurt you?

Esbee: MOMMA! I'M COMING HOME! I'M WALKING TOWARD THE LIGHT, MOMMA!

911: Ma'am, can you hear me? Ma'am, stay with me! I can hear the siren! Help is almost to you!

Esbee: I HEAR THE HEAVENLY HARPS! I'M READY TO ASCEND! TAKE ME, LORD! TAKE ME HOME!

911: Ma'am! Ma'am!

Radio: Charlie 49 on scene. Jesus, this is awful.

911: Oh, no... the L.I.D... is she D.O.A.?

Radio: No, but she'll never see again. Her eyes melted. I called to her, "Look away! Look away!" but it was too late.

911: Oh my God. How bad is... whatever it is?

Radio: Real bad. There's a turkey and a snowman and a penguin and (muffled gasp) icicle lights. And one more inflatable thing I can't quite make out way to the left. Is it a candy cane? A lighthouse? Who knows. I think I'm gonna be sick.

911: It's not even Halloween yet! What kind of...

Radio: I don't know, but I know my old man didn't see stuff like this back when he was sitting jump. Oh, man, I am puking. Over and out.

911: (sob)
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